Overcoming Trust Issues: Science-Backed Ways to Learn to Trust Again
- Christine Walter
- 11 minutes ago
- 4 min read
What’s going on?
It’s common to feel like you simply can’t trust anyone. Maybe you’ve been hurt, betrayed, or let down — or perhaps you grew up in an environment where trust wasn’t safe. According to research, there are several threads that often weave into this pattern:
Early relational patterns: If as a child you learned that your needs weren’t reliably met, or you couldn’t count on caregivers, you may develop what is called an insecure attachment style.
Past trauma or betrayal: Experiences where someone you trusted let you down can leave deep scars and increase vigilance or suspicion going forward.
Cognitive and contextual mechanisms: Research finds many factors influence how and whether we trust: our general “propensity to trust,” perceptions of the other’s trustworthiness, and the context in which we meet them
Distinct from simply not trusting: Interestingly, distrust isn’t just “lack of trust.” Some scholars argue trust and distrust operate via different cognitive/emotional mechanisms.
Why this matters
When you chronically struggle with trust, it doesn’t just affect your relationships — it affects you:
You might feel isolated, lonely, or disconnected, even when people are around.
You might assume ill-intent in others and interpret neutral or even positive actions as threats.
You may carry a constant vigilance or anxiety-load, which takes energy, focus, and emotional bandwidth.
It becomes harder to be vulnerable, ask for help, or receive support — all things that contribute to well-being.
What the Science Tells Us
Key findings from research
A large meta-analysis found that trust (and its factors) is influenced by trustor traits (your own tendencies), trustee traits (the other person’s behavior/characteristics) and contextual factors.
Trust-vs-distrust: Some research suggests distrust isn’t simply the absence of trust — the mechanisms differ (i.e., expecting unfulfilled commitments is a feature of distrust).
Trust issues can stem from biases and decision-errors: There is work on “dysfunctional trusting/distrusting” showing how habitual suspicion or mistrust can become maladaptive.
Clinical/therapeutic vantage: Health-oriented sources emphasize that trust issues can be addressed, and it’s not a hopeless scenario. Cleveland Clinic+1
What this means for you
Realizing you have trust issues doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you carry a protective strategy that once made sense (maybe).
Because trust and distrust work differently in our brains and lives, you might need purposeful strategies to shift patterns.
Time, consistency, safe relationships and small steps matter more than big leaps.
Practical Steps to Heal the Trust Wounds
Here are actionable suggestions to begin working on trust issues. These aren’t magic fixes, but they can help shift the trajectory.
1. Start with self-trust
Before you fully trust others, begin with trusting yourself. Ask:
Can I trust myself to see the evidence? To notice when I’m assuming worst-case?
Can I trust myself to set boundaries, speak up when I feel unsafe or uncertain?
Can I trust myself to be vulnerable in controlled steps?
2. Reflect and understand your patterns
Write down times when you didn’t trust someone—and ask: what triggered it? Was it a past memory, a behavior from the other, an interpretation?
Recognize: “I feel like this because of X” is different from “they are always untrustworthy.”
Explore your attachment style (secure / anxious / avoidant) and how it might shape your expectations.
3. Choose small, incremental trust-exercises
Pick someone relatively safe (a friend, coworker) and pick a tiny act of trust (e.g., ask a small favor, share a minor worry). See what happens.
Note what you expect to happen vs what does happen. Was the fear realized? Was the outcome neutral or positive?
Gradually increase the stakes—but only when you feel ready.
4. Communicate openly and set realistic boundaries
If you’re entering a relationship (friendship, romantic, work), it’s okay to say: “I struggle with trusting because of past things. I’m working on it. We can build it slowly.”
Decide what you need to feel safe (regular check-ins, transparency, follow-through).
Be alert to red flags: promises broken, repeated patterns of inconsistency. Trust builds on reliability.
5. Seek professional help if needed
If your suspicion, distrust, or inability to trust is causing major impairment (e.g., you’re stuck in isolation, constant anxiety, few relationships), a therapist can help. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), attachment-based therapy, trauma-informed therapies are relevant.
Therapy becomes a practice field for trust: you practice trusting the therapeutic relationship, exploring beliefs about others, experimenting with new behaviours.
6. Be patient and persistent
Trust is not restored overnight. Because your brain has built protective layers (and they served a purpose), it takes time to show them:
Take note of progress, even small wins.
When setbacks occur (and they will), treat them as data, not proof of “I’ll always be untrusting.”
Celebrate consistency: you showed up, you asked, you observed—not necessarily “they proved themselves perfect.”
If you find yourself doubting everyone, guarding every interaction, and thinking “I just can’t trust people,” know this: you’re not doomed to a life of suspicion. The research is optimistic: trust is learnable, trust is relational, trust is repairable.
By tuning into your patterns, gently experimenting with trust, choosing safe relationships, and giving yourself time to heal, you can gradually shift from “I can’t trust anyone” to “I can trust some people—wisely and intentionally.”
FAQ
Q: What causes trust issues in adults?
Trust issues often stem from betrayal, inconsistent caregivers, or trauma where safety was uncertain. Over time, the brain links vulnerability with danger — even when the threat is gone.
Q: Can you fix trust issues?
Yes. Studies show trust can be rebuilt through small, consistent experiences of safety, self-awareness, and therapy. It’s a gradual process but completely possible.
Q: How do I rebuild trust after being betrayed?
Start by restoring self-trust — listen to your instincts, set boundaries, and practice small steps of openness. Over time, choose trustworthy people and communicate honestly.
Q: Does therapy help with trust issues?
Absolutely. Therapies like CBT, attachment-based therapy, and trauma-focused work help reframe beliefs about safety, vulnerability, and relationships.
Q: How long does it take to overcome trust issues?
It depends on the person and the past, but research suggests steady positive experiences over several months can reshape trust patterns and reduce anxiety.
Ready to heal your trust issues?
Download the free Building Trust Worksheet and start rebuilding confidence — one small, safe step at a time.
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